Yes.  I feel like an idiot.  Yes, I realize, I have written a lot on this subject.  But wowza, even 6 plus months after I discovered that Fucker is actually a Psychopath, I am still reeling.  Not nearly as bad of course, but it still bothers me.  I won’t lie.  (I won’t lie, because I’m not a Psychopath like he seemingly is.)  

I’ve spent a lot of time reading about Psychopaths since last October.  Okay — some people call them Sociopaths. To me that’s just the difference between Po-tay-toe and Po-tah-toe and To-may-toe and To-mah-toe…. They’re pretty much the same thing — at least what I’ve managed to decipher from the countless books and websites I’ve read. I prefer Psychopath because I feel like Sociopath is just a dumbed down, nice version of the word — and I don’t think they (the people who are these people) deserve to be treated with any compassion or care.  So I’m going with Psychopath.  

The best website I’ve read on Psychopaths is actually on WordPress.  It’s http://www.datingasociopath.com.  It’s got some great info on it — but truth be told, it does make me feel like an idiot.  I mean, the site clearly states that I should not feel that way — That I am the victim and I shouldn’t feel like I did anything wrong — he did.  But the truth is that I’ve always thought I was smarter than that.  And actually, I wasn’t. I fell prey to a type of person that people write novels about. There are countless websites that talk about these stereotypes.  How could I not have known that Fucker was a cliche of a person?  I mean, it’s so obvious now to me.  Sort of like how it’s obvious that I never want to live above 14th street.  It’s very simple.

According to most, Psychopaths tend to be charismatic (he was).  They play the victim (he did).  Once they move on from you, they tend to demonize you to their next victim. (I guess that is probably me now– the evil one.)  I look back and think about the things he would say to me about his first ex-wife or some of his ex-girlfriends.  Or things he would tell me that would happen at work.  He clearly played the major “poor me” card a lot.  And I bet you his first ex-wife is probably not all that bad at all.  He probably threw her out with the bathwater too.  And whatever was going on at work for him was probably not anything all that different from what other people are experiencing. When I read articles like “Top 10 signs You’re Dating a Sociopath,” I’m like, WTF????  Why didn’t I see this before?  Why did it take until I got dramatically and abruptly discarded (in an email, no less), to see this?  I went to Middlebury.  I have a graduate degree from NYU?  I should have known.  But no, I fell hook, line and sinker.  

So yes, I do feel stupid and idiotic.  But the good news is that I feel less so now than I did 6 months ago.  Progress…….

(PS. I was going to write about the brain aneurysm story again tonight but got sucked away with my idiocy and decided to focus on Fucker again…..That’s next)