Today is my 2nd birthday.  After the brain incident of 2012, I officially deleted my real birthday from Facebook.  For multiple reasons.  Now if I miss someone’s birthday, they can’t be mad at me because they wished me a happy birthday on Facebook.  I no longer have one of those days where everyone clutters my wall and says “happy birthday” — and I no longer get well wishes from random friends who I barely remember how I know them and why I am friends with them….Plus, I got out of the hospital just a few weeks before my real birthday.  And after everything that my friends did and were doing for me during my recovery, the last thing I wanted them to have was the pressure of having to “celebrate” with me.  They were doing enough.  I think I mentioned that they were all in the hospital almost the entire time. Then after I got out, Susan set up a calendar where people could sign up to be with me so I was basically never alone.   As stated on numerous occasions, I have amazing friends.

Fucker even came a lot after I got out of the hospital.  He never officially signed up for a time slot (asshole), but he was around for sure. Of course, I didn’t realize he was engaged and about to be married — don’t think anyone would have ever guessed that one.  I remember sitting around my living room with him and anyone else who was visiting me (friends, my aunt, my cousin,  my friend Matt’s parents — tons of people) with metal staples in my half bald head — everyone just chatting away like this was another random day.  I also remember Fucker getting wine out of the fridge and pouring for everyone in the room (including me) — and acting like a regular host of the apartment.  It was a strange time.  I felt AWFUL.  Just awful. I had terrible dizziness and headaches.  I could barely do anything without feeling like I was going to pass out.  The concept of taking a shower was monumental.  My apartment looked like a morgue.  I had so many flowers, I could barely find room for them.  Dora came twice a week to help me because I had to wash the guest sheets since someone new was sleeping in my living room on a daily basis.  She would also buy me ginger ale (the only thing I would drink besides wine at the time).   We had a routine.  She would text me before she got to me to ask me what I needed. Usually it was ginger ale or maybe some cleaning supply like Windex — I was really not eating much. I would be in bed, where I was for a great deal of my recovery.  She would arrive and start.  I would lie in bed until she needed to change the sheets. Then I would move into the living room until she did that — and would move back in to the bedroom after she finished.  My Snoopy friends sent me this poster, which was amazing:

As I contemplated what to write for my brainniversary, I decided to transcribe some of the texts my friends had with each other while I was in the hospital.  Here is a little bit of that conversation:

August, 2012

Cris: Melissa is currently having a vasospasm.  It is a decent sized one, and they are now watching her very closely.  She will have another brain procedure tomorrow, hopefully in the morning.  She is still totally fine, but they need to stop the spasm.  They are raising blood pressure and then if it isn’t stopping tomorrow they will shoot some medication into her brain during the same procedure they did Monday.

Christian: Thanks, Cris.  Good thoughts.

Cris:  No visitors tomorrow. Let’s let everyone know.

Liz: Ok.

Cris: Let everyone know we will let them know when they can come tomorrow.  It depends on the time of the procedure.

Susan: Thanks, Cris.  If anyone is there at the hospital right now, can you give her the following message?  “Your godson just asked how you were doing.  He, like all of us, send you our love and positive thoughts.”  Thanks.

Christian: Ok.  I would echo Seamus.  Please give Mel my love and good thoughts.

Cris: I will tell her.  Kamil, Brian and I are here. They are putting some tubes in and will knock her out shortly.

Liz: Air kisses to her. Thanks.

Cris:  We had to leave the room for now.

Matt: Sending good thoughts and energy.

Cris: They are going to try and deal with the vasospasm without doing another angiogram, but they will decide tomorrow.  her body is fighting it, and they may raise her blood pressure.  She has no outward signs of showing she’s having a vasospasm.

Christian: That sounds good.

Brian: Thank you.

Cris:  From Meggin – Just told another hour, they have now decided to use a balloon also to further open the artery.

Liz: Oy, thanks for update. Holding my breath!

Cris: She is out of surgery. All went very well. She is just getting back to her room. They did the medication in right and left brains and did balloons only in left. There were three vasospasms happening, all three in the left side.  Dr. Knopman says they did the procedure in time, so he doesn’t expect any permanent issues.  She must lay in bed through next Friday.

Christian: Do you think it will be okay to visit tomorrow?

Liz: Thank goodness.

Susan: Great news, thanks Cris.

Matt: Thank you.

Brian: Thank the gods.

Cris:  Yes.  It seems visiting tomorrow will be good. She will be dopey for the next few hours and will probably have a worse headache than the last few days.

Liz: Poor Mel! I will definitely make a trip up to see her!

Cris: She’s awake. Acting like Melissa.  Demanding wine.  She’s a bit loopy but much better than the last surgery. She thinks she’s going to Tahoe tomorrow. She’s focused on it.

Liz: OMG. I wish we could give her the wine!  Gods damn that girl deserves some wine!!!!

Matt:  Wish we could all go to Tahoe tomorrow. Glad she’s doing okay.

Christian:  Love it.  Tell her we’ll happily increase our own alcohol consumption to make up for her lost time.

Liz: Agreed. I will make that sacrifice.

Cris: She just made me show her a Bartles & Jaymes commercial.  She says she must at least watch alcohol commercials.  

Brian: Ha!

Liz:  I just love her. Love love love!

Cris: Now she is demanding wine coolers.

Liz; Well they aren’t so bad right? Kind of like Gatorade!

Susan: We use to drink peach “California Coolers” in high school together. I think we use to split a four pack for the night.

Cris: She made me research that brand.

Liz: Just heading out now. Melissa seems good.  Tired but lucid.  🙂

Brian: We just arrived. Where r u?

Matt: Is anyone at the hospital right now? Anyone know if this is a good time to visit?

Cris: Brian, Christian, Kamil and I left a while ago. It was packed.

Cris: I would text Mel.

Matt: Thanks.

Liz: They did a catscan today, and we are just getting results now. Right side has signs of vasospasm. They will keep an eye on it and start pushing up her blood pressure now.  Hopefully that is all they will have to do. They seem very positive.

Cris: Thanks, Liz.

Christian: ah.  good.

Not sure how the below conversation fits in, but the last scan of the text that Liz sent me said this:

Liz: Oh boy. Is that why they gave her Ativan this morning?  Maybe she needs a new dose! I hope she didn’t hurt herself. 

Cris: Oh no. She so willfully.  Willful.

Christian: Holy hell.

Cris: How is it now?

Kamil: They are giving her Ativan.

I’m fairly certain that the last conversation was regarding one of my attempts to escape. I remembered being handcuffed to the bed at one point in fur cuffs. Damn. I wish I remembered more.  Or maybe it’s good that I don’t.

Have a lovely Sunday, people!