I was hesitant to write this post since I just wrote about my trip to the Olympics of Hedgehogs.  However, on the eve of tonight’s awards, I couldn’t help but think about my own trip to the Oscars.  Again.  It was with Michael Ian Black and the Pets.com Sock Puppet.  Good Morning America LOVED the puppet and asked us if “he”(the puppet)  would attend one of the fancy parties there and interview celebrities as a roving reporter.  I could give a shit about knowing or talking to anyone famous, so it’s sort of funny that I’ve actually met tons of celebs. This trip, while not as exciting to me as the trip to the hedgehogs, was actually fun though.   Michael and I met in LA and got the puppet to the Beverly Hills Hotel where all of these really random celebs were.  GMA put us into this private little area and brought all these really random celebs to us for the puppet to interview.  As usual, Michael was hilarious — and the puppet had some real zingers for some of the celebs.  A few highlights:

• Richard Dreyfuss.  He really is the grumpy person that you’ve heard about.  When he walked in, he looked really cranky.  So the puppet made fun of him for the movie Krippendorf’s Tribe.  He then proceeded to walk right out.  Just dust in the wind. He was not interested in speaking to us about that quality film in the slightest.
• Anna Nicole Smith.  Yup.  She came in with her entourage– she was very large.  I don’t mean fat — she just was a very big woman, who made me feel very small.  And I’m not small. I’m almost 5’7″.  She was also dripping sweat (don’t ask me why — but we can guess).  I told her right before they started the interview that she was all sweaty. She then asked for some powder.  No one had any since the puppet really didn’t need all that much makeup before his appearances.  But then I remembered that I had a package of Shiseido blotting papers.  (My skin was a lot oilier then.)  So I grabbed them out of my bag and blotted the fuck out of her.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a person that sweaty until I started going to hot yoga.  It really wasn’t even that hot  — she was just really sweaty.  And I can proudly say that I de-sweated Anna Nicole Smith.  
• Scott Baio.  He was the best.  The Puppet yelled out “CHACHI!” when he walked in — and Scott laughed his ass off.  It was hilarious.  

The puppet interviewed many other celebs that night — but I really don’t remember who.  Those three stand out.  When we were finished, we went back to the W where we were staying and had a few drinks.  Then we were back up at like 2 or 3am so that the puppet could do a live interview and recap on GMA’s post Oscar broadcast. He was interviewed about his Oscar evening by Charlie Gibson.  Then we were done — and we went home.  

That’s my Oscar story — but while I have you, I will list out some other funny things I’ve done in my career.  In case you haven’t noticed, I have carved out a niche of promoting puppets and comic characters.  I probably haven’t mentioned this yet (or maybe I have), but I also worked for the Muppets.  I worked in that famous Jim Henson townhouse on the upper east side way back in the day.  I was a coordinator, and I had an office bigger than the one I have now.  I worked on the 4th floor of that townhouse and was often the person who was forced to give VIPS tours of it.  I would take them around the townhouse and tell them all the funny things about it — why Jim had something in his office — or why some painting was significant, etc. etc. Then I would also take them over to the Muppet workshop — the place where they made all of the Muppets, including the ones for Sesame Street.  There were drawers of Muppet eyes and noses — and I could pull a character out of his drawer and show people how they worked.  Muppets are much smaller than you would think.

(The Muppet Townhouse is above.)

When I was at the Muppets I also went with Kermit to the Rose Bowl Parade — he was the Grand Marshall.  We had to participate in a ton of events. And setting up a Muppet appearance is a lot more complicated than one with a human.  Muppets have Muppeteers who need to not be seen — and they need TV monitors and all this complicated stuff.  I used to go with the Muppets when they were on the Today Show.  There would be 4 to 6 of us if Piggy was going on.  Frank Oz, me, Miss Piggy’s dresser (someone who would make her look good), and a Producer.  If the Muppet rat Al Rodent was also making an appearance, add on another two or three.  My Today Show contact would always ask me to limit the people — but it was practically impossible.  Good thing the Today Show people are nice — and they love the Muppets!

Other cool things I did at the Muppets.  

• I spent the day with Anthony Minghella (RIP).  He had just won the Academy Award for The English Patient.  I picked him up in a limo at JFK.  He had taken the Concord from London.  While I drove around with him, he cast Matt Damon in The Talented Mr. Ripley.  He was so nice and so cool.  I loved him and still have the books he signed and sent to me in thanks afterwards.
• I went to the press junket for George of the Jungle and sat in a room all day with the people who made the Gorilla head.  It was a blast to see the media get all excited about this fake Gorilla that looked really real.
• I went with Frank Oz and Miss Piggy to Martha Stewart’s house in CT…. A few times.  She shot her TV show at the time on her own private property. I remember looking at the bulletin board in her kitchen at candid photos of her, Barbra Streisand and Donna Karan. Piggy was funny.  And I heard Frank cast Glenn Close in a cameo role for his next film while we were hanging out.

There’s so many crazy things I’ve done with my job as Snoopy’s publicist. I’ve driven Snoopy and Jeannie Schulz around San Diego multiple times.  I nearly killed us one time.  Jeannie didn’t notice. She was glued to her blackberry — but I nearly got us killed.  Now when we do TV interviews at Comic-Con I get a car service so I don’t have to be the driver.  Not sure why I ever volunteered myself for that role. 

I seriously could go on and on with other examples of crazy things I’ve done for my job.  Scott Adams, Dilbert and a real life weasel comes to mind….But I’ll stop now so as not to bore you.  I will pick it up another time if I think of something good.

Happy Oscars!!!!